My Life With(out) You
by RopeGirl
Summary: Eight years after Big Time Rush split up the guys get together again. Everyone with their own story and own past now. Will old relationships ever be the same again, or not? Slash, RPS, GAY :D Rated M for later chapters


_Hey guys,_

_I know it has been a really long time, but how about a little reunion party next Saturday (8__th__ of September)?  
Should be fun to see each other again.  
I'll have some movies and Chinese at my place that evening, so let me know if you're free and willing to come over._

_James. (Maslow, in case you don't remember)  
((213) 279-8641)_

* * *

I smile as I read the letter I just got in the mail.  
This party would be great, finally seeing James, Kendall and Logan, especially Logan, again after the breakup of Big Time Rush 8 years ago.

"Hey Javi, could you look after Sydney Friday night?" I say half an hour later as I finally sit down on the couch with my phone to my ear.

"Dude, you really expect me to come over from San Francisco to Los Angeles to look after Sydney?" I hear my brother say with a tone of disbelief in his voice.

"Yeah, just got an invitation to a reunion with the guys and look at it from the bright side, you can have the house for 1 night." I say as I laugh a little. Knowing my little brother isn't into throwing parties, unlike me.

"Okay fine, I'll ask Andrew to come over. Haven't seen that dude in ages."

"I know, 2014 KCA's right? Woah, crazy year that was." I say, thinking back to that year.

"Uhuh, yeah, 5 nominations and you guys won all of them."

"Indeed, sadly also the year the band broke up."

"I still don't get why Kendall came up with that. You guys were amazing."

"I know, but hey, let's just not talk about it okay."

"Still sad?"

"Javi, we've been over this before, I just don't want to be all sad again." I say, my voice breaking halfway through the sentence.

"Hey big brother, it's okay to feel bad about it. Don't keep it all inside, that'll only make it worse." Javi says.

It's quite for a bit until Javi hears me let out a small sob.

"I just loved him so much Javi, I thought he felt the same. And now, after 8 fucking years, I'm still not over him." I whisper as I start crying.  
"Carlos, listen to me, it's okay to feel like this. You were really into him. Just wait with confronting him okay, next Saturday wouldn't be the smartest move. Confront him later. Because you should do that. Confront him. Just wait for the right moment."

I sigh. "Thanks little brother. I think I would've screwed up my life big time already if I didn't have you."

Javi gives a small laugh. "It's okay, go to sleep, you're always tired after crying, I remember."

"Okay, bye, I'll see you at around 5, Saturday."

"Sure, see you then." And I hang up.

I drop myself onto the bed Logan and I made many memories on and curl up in a fetal position, still crying. It has been such a long time since Logan, so many years had passed, but I still feel the ever so strong feeling of heart ache when I think back to those days. Logan was my everything and I really didn't see it coming. Thinking back now, I still don't. We shared so many things, memories, but also material things. Damn, the guys sometimes joked about how we were like a married couple. But after the band broke up, we were over too. Logan left me behind. I tried finding him for two entire years, but never even a trace.

Next Saturday will be hard.

* * *

"Phillip, what is on that note? You've been reading it constantly ever since you got it a couple of days ago!" My roommate Nathan asks me.

"Oh, just an invitation." I reply, absent-mindedly putting down the note down on my desk and falling down on my bed.

My thoughts drift away to 8 years ago. Breaking up with the band and Carlos made me want to run away and as they always refer to in movies: 'change your name and move to Peru.'

Which is close to what I did, moving away to Maine, using my middle name and start teaching. It was quite hard to get into teaching, but now, after 8 years I got hired to teach sports at the University of Maine. I was having a great time hanging around campus and living the college life I never had by deciding to live on campus with the other sports teacher, Nathan. We have been living together for almost a year now. We know everything about the other. But the one thing he doesn't know about me is the Big Time Rush phase. Not wanting anyone to come visit me, I only told my parents. But Nate did suspect some things. He sometimes brought it up how I reminded him of someone from a Nick show he used to watch.

"Philip? Philip? LOGAN!" I hear someone yell. I look up to see Nate standing up with the invitation in his hand.

"You're Logan Henderson." He says with disbelief showing in his eyes.

"What made you finally realize?" I ask.

"Well, this letter invites you to a reunion with James Maslow. And seeing I recognize his name, not mentioning I always thought I knew you from somewhere and your last name is Henderson, I finally got it." He takes a deep breath, only to continue and say: "You're Logan Henderson, known for being in the band Big Time Rush."

* * *

"Daddy! You're home early!" I hear my 5 year old daughter Katelyn yell excitedly.

"Hey girlie, yes, daddy's was done earlier." I smile as I lift her up in my arms twirling her around.

She jumps down and pulls my hand. "Me and Emi made you a surprise!"

"Okay and why did I deserve that?" I ask as I run after her smiling.

"Because you have been the best daddy-without-mommy for a whole year!" She smiles, hugging me tight.

I hold on to her as tears start to well up in my eyes. Losing Kassandra a year ago was one of the hardest moments in my life. First having a police officer call me with the news that Kassandra Schmidt had been in a car crash. Having to rush to the hospital. Feeling totally numb and away from this planet while she was in surgery and being examined. And eventually feeling dead when I heard the fatal news from the doctor.

"…_I'm sorry to say this…"_

_"…too much blood loss…"_

And the worst part.

_"…she's gone sir…"_

"Don't cry daddy, I love you." Katelyn says as she kisses my cheeks and hugs me as tight as she can.  
"I love you too honey."

"Good, but now… CAKE!" She yells in my ear. I laugh through the tears and kiss the top of her head.

I walk into the kitchen and see Katelyn's nanny Emi put plates on the kitchen table. The next thing I notice is the brightly decorated cake standing on the table as well. I smile as I read what it says.

_For my superdaddy, YOU'RE THE BEST!_

Emi looks up when she hears us entering the kitchen.

"Hey Kendall, how was work today?"

"Good, a bit busy, but that was to be expected with this production." I reply. After the band broke up I decided to say in the movie business as a soundtrack composer. Having connections within Paramount got me a job quite quickly and now, after eight years, I am one of the most wanted composers in the industry. Today was the first day working on the new James Bond movie with the producers and it's a big thing.

"Oh, before I forget, there was a letter in the mail today for you." Emi tells me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Fanmail?" I ask.

"No, it was sent from within the Paramount quarters. It's signed with JM, but there are lots of people with those initials, so I suppose you don't know either." I immediately knew who it was from. JM. James Maslow. His current boyfriend was acting in a new movie that was being shot in the Paramount studio's from what I've heard so he probably had him send it.

"Here." Emi pushed the letter into my hands and glared at me, waiting for me to open it. Some people found our closeness weird, since she's my daughter's nanny. But we've known each other since we were kids so it's natural.

I opened the envelope and read what it said.

* * *

**So yeah, just going to try and see if this works out. I'm easily distracted which means that I write half a paragraph and then my mind will go out to other things. So don't expect frequent updates. I'll try and update at least once a week. Not sure if it'll work, though..**

**Until the next time,**

**Isabelle**


End file.
